Foolish Self

I wish I was half as smart as I once thought I was.  As a teenager/young adult, I thought I had it all figured out.  Although I didn’t quite know what I wanted to do with my life, I knew exactly what I DIDN’T want to turn out like.  

Oh foolish self, if only I knew then what I know now.  Life is not nearly as black and white as I had imagined.  Just do this or change that is WAY easier said than done, if even possible at all.  I find myself stuck in the middle.  I am no longer young and stupid, and yet have not reached mature and wise.  I feel like I am bobbing out in no man’s land.  As I desperately tread water, I can hardly even tell which direction I was intending to head in. 

By all appearances, I have it all: kids, house, career and even a dog.  And yet I feel completely lost.  More and more and more and more responsibility is continually piled upon my shoulders.  As I try to keep all the balls in the air, I know I can’t continue the crazy juggling act forever.  It is a fine line to walk between ‘just hold on, this is temporary’ and ‘you must make a drastic change or face complete meltdown.’  I should be happy, look at all that I have going for me.  Why then do I feel so lost?  Is this just a fleeting, passing feeling, or has insecurity and self-doubt settled in for the long haul?

The teenage me had all the answers, too bad I didn’t know all the questions yet.