What do you think has changed?

You asked me a simple question, What do you think has changed?  I wasn’t able to immediately articulate an answer.  I have thought about that simple question and this is what I have come up with.  
Last spring, I had been running so hard for so long in this journey through nursing school.  I believed that I was finally seeing the light at the end of the tunnel only to suddenly feel like the only light I was seeing was a train heading straight for me.  Instead of crashing into the oncoming train, I was able to receive much needed help to turn around on the tracks.  I then felt like I was able to stay a few steps ahead of disaster, but still found myself running for dear life.  

Finally, this summer I stopped running.  I realized that I needed to simply step off the tracks.  I wish I could tell you exactly when or how this happened, but I am unsure myself.  I have come to realize that neither heading straight into an oncoming train nor trying to outrun it would ever prove to be successful in the long run.  Somehow I had forgotten about me along this journey.  I wanted to do and be everything for everyone, but in the process I had lost myself.  Clearly in not taking care of myself first, my ability to juggle the rest of life suffered greatly.  At this point, life is far from perfect, but it never will be.  Life will always be life with its ups and downs, triumphs and defeats, but what has changed is my feeling toward myself.  It has taken multiple people practically shouting at me to finally realize that I might not be messing this whole life, family, school stuff up.  I am enough.  I have realized that I am actually doing a pretty damn good job!  

So thank you for being part of the journey to help bring me back to the point where I can recognize me again.  I was immersed in a crazy and chaotic world, and yet it was a dark and lonely road I was traveling down.  Life is still crazy, busy, and a wild ride, but I realize that I am not traveling this path alone.  Externally not much has changed; the kids are still amazing little beings that need lots of attention and love, meals still need to be made, laundry still needs to be done.  Internally I have been able to find the value in me, the strength to seek out help, and a sense of peace to keep on loving this crazy life.  

So what do I think has changed?  Me.