Foolish Self

I wish I was half as smart as I once thought I was.  As a teenager/young adult, I thought I had it all figured out.  Although I didn’t quite know what I wanted to do with my life, I knew exactly what I DIDN’T want to turn out like.  

Oh foolish self, if only I knew then what I know now.  Life is not nearly as black and white as I had imagined.  Just do this or change that is WAY easier said than done, if even possible at all.  I find myself stuck in the middle.  I am no longer young and stupid, and yet have not reached mature and wise.  I feel like I am bobbing out in no man’s land.  As I desperately tread water, I can hardly even tell which direction I was intending to head in. 

By all appearances, I have it all: kids, house, career and even a dog.  And yet I feel completely lost.  More and more and more and more responsibility is continually piled upon my shoulders.  As I try to keep all the balls in the air, I know I can’t continue the crazy juggling act forever.  It is a fine line to walk between ‘just hold on, this is temporary’ and ‘you must make a drastic change or face complete meltdown.’  I should be happy, look at all that I have going for me.  Why then do I feel so lost?  Is this just a fleeting, passing feeling, or has insecurity and self-doubt settled in for the long haul?

The teenage me had all the answers, too bad I didn’t know all the questions yet.

Fresh Coat of Paint

Growing up, we learned how to fix things and my grandma could fix just about anything!  From rewiring lamps to replacing the float on the toilet to re-upholstering the dining room chairs, she taught us to do it all.  When an object was becoming worn out or had broken, the only option was to spruce it up or repair it.  We simply didn’t throw something away and go purchase a new one.

 

Sometimes, a fresh coat of paint is all that is needed to breathe life back into an object that has become run down and past its prime.  A little bit of time and elbow grease is needed to prep, sand, and paint, but the final product can be amazing.  That old wood trim that was faded and peeling suddenly looks brand new and beautiful again.  But sometimes just slapping on a new coat of paint isn’t really the best answer.  Over time wood becomes damaged.  It is possible that a little sanding will smooth out the rough spots and prepare the wood to take the new paint.  Other times, you need to look closer before you just try to sand off the imperfections that you assume to simply be on the surface.  At some point, the splits and cracks become too deep to fill.  The board may warp or begin to rot.  It doesn’t matter how many coats of paint you try to cover a rotten board with, it just isn’t strong enough to continue to be functional.  At what point is the wood beyond repair?  How do you know when you just need to roll up your sleeves, spend a little more time and effort working to repair it?  Or how do you know when the board has rotten beyond repair and there is no other option but to remove it?  The surface doesn’t always tell you the whole story of what lies beneath.

I am hesitant to even consider replacing the board.  My head tells me that I need a strong and solid foundation to build upon and board that is not strong enough to carry out that task needs to be removed.  But my heart, oh my heart aches at the thought that there are pieces that might not have weathered the storm.  My heart believes that just one more coat of paint is needed, it will work this time.  My head disagrees.  Logic and intelligence insists that these blemishes are just too deep to try to brush over, but my heart holds out hope.

I have learned how to fix a vast array of things over the years, but maybe now I need to learn how to let go.       

Humble and Kind

It was a beautiful day, so I pulled out my camera for an impromptu photo shoot at the park. It turned out GREAT!  (I might be just a bit bias) 

Always stay humble and kind.....  

The Sprague Sisters:
Rebecca age 9
Piper age 7
and Molly age 4 1/2

Slow Down

At the end of another day of work, I was grumbling to myself thinking about the millions of things I had to get done. Pick up the kids, hit the grocery, make dinner, throw yet another load of laundry into wash, help the kids with homework... Also realizing the calendar seemed to be getting more and more overloaded with ball practice, school functions, and so much 'kid stuff'... Frustrated by the kids suddenly picking on each other, the "Why Mommy?" game that never seemed to end, and wanting to change my name to anything but Mom....

And then the gentle reminder of just how quickly my little girls are growing up (see video below). A wave of nostalgia swept over me realizing the multitude of milestones we have already passed that will never happen again. First steps, first words... the list goes on and on. My youngest will start kindergarten in the Fall. It seems like only yesterday that we were brand new parents just starting out on this wild ride.

All too soon I will long for the days when the pitter-patter of little feet filled the house, when I could fix so many of their problems with just a kiss and a snuggle, and when the house was filled with the sound of their little voices laughing and giggling.

We have many more adventures yet to come. I can't stop time from passing by, but I hope we can all slow down and enjoy these moments we have.

Hi, I'm a mom.

Molly Rockin' It!

Hello Kitty hat and sunglasses, Shopins, 
and a unicorn bracelet... 
Molly is ready to rock this round of check-ups!!